Caught in a landslide... of emotions

Sorry it's been a while but I haven't quite known how to put it into words. In the end I thought 'caught in a landslide of emotions' captured it perfectly. I'm sure you will have guessed by now, I am stuck between two feelings.. in the Will department.
All this time everyone has been saying that I've 'friendzoned' him but I'm beginning to think I'm the one in the friendzone, quite the contrary. (If you aren't familiar with the term 'friendzoned' then it is treating someone like a friend when they would like to be more than friends, therefore trapping them in the zone of friendship.)
Whoever said that boys and girls can't be just friends were sort of right. You see, we are just friends so that's still true but it has been complicated on my side by some developed feelings.
Well, I say 'developed' feelings but I wonder if they have simply been in the dark all along.
I really am in a great pickle now. And Jode isn't picking up her phone. Complete disaster.
We haven't spoken that much recently due to his exam nerves for his results but we finally spoke like old times last week. However, we then had two back-to-back arguments basically because I'm unable to really take a joke (he takes them too far though) and I then overreact and say stupid things because I don't realize his responses are jokes (e.g- well I guess this little relationship meant a lot more to me than it did to you. Geez, hormones, what they do to a girl) We both apologized to eachother and then it was alright, except for his results, he was really unhappy and it meant he didn't get into the sixth form he wanted so he's stuck at his current secondary school. This put me in a tricky situation because I wanted to be supportive without coming across as patronizing. I still don't feel like things are completely patched up and I really feel like I need to see him but I don't think that will be for a while and I don't want to suggest it. I feel like I'm stuck in Limbo. It doesnt help that he seems to have vanished off the face of the earth either. I think he's away but he didn't even tell me.
To be honest, I miss him.. a lot, and all I want is to feel his arms around me and is heartbeat against my ear as I rest my head on his chest and his hot breath on the back of my neck. I need to feel close to him, supported by him, protected by him, I also miss the teasing, all the 'have you rekindled your fire?' 'have you grabbed her and kissed her yet Will?' 'when's your next date?' 'when's Will coming for dinner?' even the 'Y'know you broke Will's heart when you dumped him'
That last one always confused me because they never sounded like they were joking, did Will seem different when we went through our bad time where we stopped talking for a while? Did he seem more attached to our relationship and I just didn't notice? Did he feel well and truly friendzoned? I really need to talk to him about this but I just don't know how and it would be a lot easier if he would come back from planet William.

out of control

To be honest everything has gotten so out of control that I don't even know what to do anymore.
There is so much teen angst and sexual tension surrounding me all the time that I can't run from it because everyone is just so damn hormonal. I mean seriously, I can't even go to English class without someone writing some crazy lovey dovey poem. This is insane. Everyone is insane. I am insane.
The only music I listen to is depressing love songs and I can't even listen to them without finding a deeper meaning which is just ridiculous.
Oh and I haven't no idea what the F*** is happening with Will. We hadn't talked in ages (I'm guessing from his exams) and then I just saw him and he kissed me. Like full on. I don't even know where it came from it was so unexpected.. should I have kissed him back? I think it was just the built up tension from his exams but yeah. I haven't told a soul, not any of my friends or not even my mum. No one even knew I'd seen him- I didn't mean to I just bumped into him. So now it's just going to be super awkward in Wales next weekend.
Please someone save me from this
Underaverage Girl
xxx

Your opinion?

Me again,
it would be nice to get some of your opinions on the matter as that was such a long post this time and such a modern day issue with teenagers
Underaverage Girl
xxx

Personal and Intimacy

Hi guys,
so I've been thinking about sex and losing virginity as yet another girl has stupidly wasted it on some 'lad' she didn't even know when she was drunk- I do not under any circumstances want that to be me. So I just thought wouldn't it be best if everyone lost their virginity to someone they cared about in a non-sexual way? So that they don't have any expectations and it isn't awkward afterwards? So that they are 100% comfortable with this person and they can trust them not to brag about it? Yes ladies and gentleman, I am suggesting that everyone should feel that it is acceptable to lose their virginity to their best friend. I think this would be best as it means that the girl would know that the guy is not just using them for sex as they know them better than anyone else, I mean, if it's a true friendship then it won't 'ruin' your relationship with that person, who knows, it may even enhance it into something romantic.
I'm not suggesting that this is good for everyone as obviously people are different- in fact, no one should take any sort of advice from me about intimacy and relationships as I am just about the least sexually active teenager I know. But for me, this is how I would want my first time, unless by some freak chance I end up in a stable relationship in the nearish future (which I highly doubt given my current state). If two people have been best friends for a long time and they've so far been able to ignore all the teenage angst and frustration (because lets be realistic, none of you internet friends can honestly say that you have never ever ever thought of your best friend in that way) then I think that the first time would be a comfortable and loving experience as you would really care about each other and it wouldn't just be based on looks (girls are self conscious after all)
It just kills me a little bit inside when I hear about all these girls that just want to 'get it over with', but then again it's not the most realistic thought that someone would just say to their best friend 'I think we should lose our virginity to each other, just because erm I don't know if I love you but erm yeah...'
Oh and slight change of tone to all the 'lads' out there- taking advantage of intoxicated girls does not make you a 'lad' you will be praised so good for you jackass but she will be known as a slut so how about you pluck up the courage to be a man and have some respect for the girls your age and no sexual frustration and alcohol does not justify your completely unacceptable behavior so would you please control your arousal because to be frank, you probably aren't as good looking when she's sober so how about you actually take her on a date then maybe you will understand that sex is actually better when you're sober and in a loving relationship where you don't have to get her drunk for her to give you head. So no it is not okay to 'hump her and dump her' girls are sensitive and that hurts.
Sorry that turned into more of a rant at the end but you should all understand my point.
Underaverage Girl
xxx

what is happening...

hello my friends of the magical interweb!!!
I can only apologize for the long wait and to be honest there is no excuse for it... but so so so much has happened since the last time we spoke (or typed...)
So... the main topic of concern as per usual is of course (cue drum roll) Will... William William William.. what are you doing to me?
I mean I'm pretty sure we're just friends which by the way is exactly how I like it!!! However... things may be changing a bit? No word of a lie I just got a text saying 'we should mix our wildness someday' and then 'come over tomorrow night...I'll show you a good time' WHAT??? I know he's joking however I also know that he's only half-joking... everything has all of a sudden become increasingly sexual and I'm feeling a lot of sexual tension...
To increase my confusion further- we went on a 'date'.. I mean I didn't see it as a date at the time or after or before but now when I think about it I can't help but realize that it is not normal for two friends to go on a long walk by the river and then visit a grave of a relative... this worries me... All I can say is.. thank god nobody made a move.. the thought of it makes me cringe a little bit
He wants to see me again and I want to see him because maybe it will clarify some things but he's super busy with revision for these big exams which I won't have till next year..
Until next time!!
Underaverage Girl
xxx

Maybe Baby?

Hello magical unicorns of the internet! (You in the jumper, yes you, you're my favourite)
Okay so this is going to be a bit of a surprise (or maybe not for the psychic ones within us) ANYWAYS either way I have something to tell you all..... and NO I'm not pregnant you sick sick people. I've probably got the complete wrong idea of what is actually happen anyways but to me it seems an awful lot like flirting.......... who knows?? not me! help help help me me me!
So I'm officially going to Will's prom (I say officially but probably not if you know what I mean?) and recently things have started getting serious and he keeps flirting.. i think. for most people this isn't really a problem but who people lie me who are hopelessly socially awkward? It's a bit trickier.. AND to top it all off? this 'Wizz' thing that all our friends have made up is getting 10x worse everyday...... EURGH I am sick of this!
Underaverage Girl
xxx

Texts vs Facebook

Hello internet friends! 

I have heard that if you text each other your relationship is instantly more serious.. has anyone else heard this/what are your thoughts?? hmmmm so basically I text Will instead if facebook now but I honestly think that our relationship is exactly the same as before- is there a change which you don't feel but everyone else does or what because family and friends are even more annoying about us than usual and i need to calm myself down before I punch them really hard.. with a chair.. and I'm not even a violent person. But what exactly makes this happen? why can a girl and boy not just be friends  is it just me that's confused- shall i get help?

AND to make matters worse my worst conversational nightmare came true... something started as joke and I can no longer tell if its going to happen.... you're probably wondering what this is all about i guess i have to tell you all now.. So Will and I were joking about me going to his prom with him this year as his 'petty date' (because I'm year below him it would seem a bit weird) but very quickly this sort of became serious? I've decided to treat it as a joke but it's hard to tell if you know what i mean? we haven't talked since.. even though it was only Friday night but it seems like forever! (sorry that's cheesy) I am going to be ultra cool and stubborn and wait till he texts me first.. oooooo I'll keep y'all updated. STAY SASSY CHICAS

Underaverage Girl

xxx